Bill Maher And His Braindead Megaphone

I enjoy Bill Maher, host of HBO’s weekly roundtable, Real Time with Bill Maher.  Granted, I find his standup act magnificently unfunny.  But he’s an entertaining guy who (usually) has interesting things to say about the world.  His New Rules segment is often hilarious and his desire to bring together competing views for debate resonates with me.  Being a fellow atheist, I particularly enjoy his witty – and very fierce – takedowns of organized religion.  And I like the fact that he operates in fearless fashion, flying plenty close to the sun with his social commentary.  His political incorrectness makes him appear to exist outside of the media mainstream.  This is all very refreshing to me.

However, there are a number of things that have grown increasingly bothersome with Maher.  First is the guy’s breathtaking arrogance.  At first, I found this attribute charming.  After all, it’s almost a prerequisite for agent provocateurs, which is very much what Maher strives to be.  But watching him get annoyed at his audience for not laughing at his extremely unfunny jokes is annoying.  If you ever disagree with him, you’re not only wrong but you’re stupid.  And when his guests punch back at him, he clearly gets his feathers ruffled.  It’s never fun when someone can dish it out but not take it back.  Some self-effacement – or simple open-mindedness – would help immensely in Maher’s case.

Second is his intense partisanship.  For someone who strikes me as perfectly capable of independent thought, he toes the liberal line with the best of them.  In fact, I can’t think of a single issue where Maher deviates from the liberal playbook.  Given his feistiness, it would be fun to watch him disagree with his own party from time to time.  And I’m pretty sure it would add to his legitimacy as a commentator.  Instead, the guy is a walking billboard for all causes liberal.

This is loosely related to my third gripe, which is that I lose significant love for the man when he takes on the financial topics of the day.  Not only does he tend to speak with authority on topics about which he clearly knows very little (more on that later), but he exhibits a degree of hypocrisy that unfortunately has come to characterize much of Hollywood.  That is, Maher spends a fair amount of time on his show demeaning wealth accumulation and lamenting the inequality that exists today.  This most often involves wholesale bashing of everything tied to Wall Street as well as the obligatory complaint about how CEOs make multiples more than their average employees.  In Maher’s case, this is coming from a single man with a net worth of $15-$25 million (per various Google estimates) who lives in a 6,000 square foot home in a 2.5-acre Beverly Hills compound.  (I’d love to know what he makes relative to an HBO stagehand and whether he thinks that multiple is justified.)  Ever the environmentalist, his financial hypocrisy is compounded by the fact that he owns two cars and – at least occasionally – flies private (as Ann Coulter cleverly pointed out on one of his shows).

As many liberals who haven’t made their fortunes in finance do, Maher implicitly draws a distinction between well-earned riches and ill-earned ones.  Apparently, by their calculus, it’s perfectly cool for actors and comedians to make millions of dollars.  It might also be OK if you make computers.  Or are a politician.  But if you work in finance and happen to have made a lot of money doing it, you are immediately assumed less worthy of your money.  In their world, some types of income are better earned than others.  Apparently, robbing disappointed moviegoers of $20+ (or $50+ in the case of Maher’s standup) and hours of their time in the quest of padding their own pockets is totally legit.  But going to business school and becoming well-versed in the vagaries of corporate finance is not.

Maybe it’s cool in an aloof kind of way to willfully embrace their cognitive dissonance.  Or maybe there’s an insecurity that belies their apparent doublethink, something Drew Carey once summed up nicely:

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they’re so rich, they feel they don’t work that much for all that money – and they don’t, for the amount of money they make.

Which brings me to the crux of my post.  During his New Rules conclusion last week, Maher decided to take sanctimonious aim at Mitt Romney.  As can be seen in the above clip, Maher attempted to take Romney to task for his moneymaking past at Bain Capital.  Specifically, he seemed most concerned with how Romney made his money rather than the fact that he made any at all.  Maher led off the diatribe with the following:

You know, venture capitalists are not creators.  They’re businessmen who find weak companies and prey on them.

What Maher – and his staff of writers – did in this segment was demonstrate an ignorance of basic finance.  It’s not just worrisome that Maher apparently gets paid to spread untruths.  It’s also dangerous because I’m guessing that many in his audience (which must number in the millions) took his statement as gospel and repeated it to their friends and coworkers, creating an echo chamber that spouts ignorance on the topic of venture capitalism.

By the way, I was already annoyed before we got to this point in his show.  Previously in his New Rules segment, Maher featured Apple, Ford, and Disney as examples of companies started by people who created products, “something they made besides money”.  This, according to Maher, stood in stark contrast to Romney and his Bain colleagues, whose professional goals in life are to perform the economic equivalent of rape and pillage.  Let’s ignore the fact that Maher, as a comedian, also doesn’t make anything tangible for a living – and that 99.9% of all entrepreneurs are in the game to make money (Jobs, Ford, and Disney included) – and focus instead on the fundamental misunderstanding of venture capitalism that Maher displayed.

His first mistake was a knee-jerk one that many liberal pundits commit, which is to automatically assume that private equity is the manifestation of economic evil.  In reality, private equity (broadly-defined) plays a critical role in capitalism.  Not being an expert on the topic, I’ll defer instead to someone who is for a better explanation of private equity’s role.  Below is a quote from Jonathan Macey, professor of corporate finance at Yale Law School, from a recent WSJ OpEd in which he lamented the attacks on private equity in the Republican primaries:

This is anticapitalist claptrap. Private-equity firms make significant investments in companies, mainly U.S. companies. Most of their investments are in companies that underperform industry peers. Frequently these firms are on the brink of failure. Because private-equity firms are, by definition, equity investors, they make money only if they improve the performance of their companies. Private equity is last in line to be paid in case of insolvency. Private-equity firms don’t make a profit unless their companies can meet their obligations to workers and other creditors. The companies in which private-equity investors are able to turn a profit generally grow, rather than shrink. This is because the preferred “exit strategy” by which private-equity firms profit is to take the private companies in which they invest and enable them to go public and sell shares that will help the company grow even stronger. As for turnaround success stories, Continental Airlines, Orbitz and Snapple have all benefitted at some time from private-equity investment.

Maher’s second mistake lay in his failure to understand what it means to be a venture capitalist.  By labeling Romney and his colleagues as venture capitalists, Maher conflated venture capitalism with private equity writ large.  In reality, venture capitalism is a subset of private equity in the same way that a journalist belongs to the broader category of “writer”.  Included under the umbrella of private equity are several strategies, including leveraged buyouts (“LBOs”), distressed investing, growth (or acceleration) capital, and venture capital. To give Maher and his liberal peers the benefit of the doubt, we can assume that the private equity practice they disdain is the much-maligned LBO.  Among other things, the practice involves using a company’s assets as collateral to borrow large sums of money in order to effect a buyout.  Once in control, private equity firms generally seek to improve the financial performance of the acquired company, which often includes significant restructuring as companies rationalize their business models.  This can involve the shutdown of entire business units and the loss of jobs.  Some might call this callous and unfair.  Others might say such creative destruction forces companies to adapt or die in the face of escalating competition, leaving those left standing much better suited for survival.  Whatever the case, automatically assuming that all such transactions are bad for society is intellectually lazy.  LBOs can have outcomes both good (Harley-Davidson, Viacom) and bad (Regal Cinemas, Federated Department Stores).  And, sadly, it does allow room for certain financial reengineering that can lead to ill-gotten gains for some.  But the practice plays a necessary role in capitalism.  If it didn’t, it wouldn’t exist, for capitalism is among the most lethal and efficient self-correcting forces on the planet.

But let’s chat more about what it is that venture capitalism actually does.  In a nutshell, it provides young, cash-strapped companies with the funding needed to realize their visions.  So while they might not create anything tangible per se, venture capitalists most certainly provide the funding needed for companies to go out and make things.  Say, for example, a young programming whizkid (we’ll call him Mark) comes up with an idea to revolutionize social networking and needs money to support his new website.  Mark might go to a venture capital firm, someone like Accel Partners, and pitch his idea with the hope that it likes what he has to say and is willing to back him.  Maybe Accel gives the young Mark $12 million to make his dream a reality in exchange for an equity stake in his venture.  And maybe, seven years later, his idea becomes a $100 billion IPO that sees both Mark and Accel grow fabulously rich.  That, my friends, is the most successful venture capital story ever told.

Funnily enough, some of Maher’s own examples help refute his argument.  In its early days, Apple benefited greatly from the funding provided by venture capital firm Sequoia Capital (whose credits also include companies like Google,  Electronic Arts, Funny or Die, LinkedIn, and YouTube, to name a few).  Walt Disney was able to cobble together enough friends and family money to form the company that would go on to bring us Mickey Mouse and Snow White.  While Disney didn’t benefit directly from venture capitalism in its early days, the company did come to appreciate the beneficence of the practice since it now has its own venture capital unit, Steamboat Ventures.  Henry Ford didn’t rely on formal venture capital in founding Ford Motor Compnay, but he did succeed with the help of a handful of “angel investors” who provided him with the necessary capital to build his Model T.  (Note: Angel investors are basically venture capitalists who operate in more independent fashion on a smaller and less formal basis).

You see, venture capitalism is just one example of how Wall Street performs a crucial role in our society.  Sure, there are terrible misdeeds and injustices that occur, as with any industry.  But there isn’t a more effective form of capital formation and allocation on the planet.

For someone so enamored with reason in his vehement anti-religiosity, Maher can be maddeningly unreasonable when it comes to all matters economic.  I can understand why you get that with the likes of MSNBC, a company that, as a matter of existential necessity, chose to follow Fox News down the rabbit hole of overt bias.  But I’ve come to expect better from Maher, so consider me disappointed.

By the way, it’s worth noting that, while at Bain Capital, Mitt Romney was involved not just in straight LBO deals but also venture and growth capital ones, including with companies like Staples and Domino’s Pizza.

Denis Leary Is A Fan Of Eddyfication

That’s the only logical conclusion one can derive following his latest string of Tweets, which just so happens to occur within days of my post Oh, The Irony Of It All:

‘Xmas has been overtaken by consumerism.’

So says The Pope.

While sitting in a solid gold chair. Wearing red Prada shoes. In an apt. full of priceless artwork.

Who’s the patron saint of irony?

P.S. On the 0.2% chance Denis Leary ever actually reads this, I was totally kidding about that whole being a fan bit.

Slice Of Awesome: Hedonism Edition

Long live Hedo Rick!

Occupy Herbstreit

Stumbled upon a great little photo collection called Occupy Herbstreit today.  It chronicles the work of a guy who has jokingly infiltrated the Occupy Wall Street protests with his own signs that bring college football into the mix.  (Note: Kirk Herbstreit is a well-known college football analyst for ESPN).  Good stuff.

Slice Of Awesome: Arrested Development Edition

Great news from The New Yorker festival this weekend regarding the best sitcom of all time.  It sounds like a movie is indeed in the works, which will be preceded by ten brand new television episodes.  It appears there may in fact be a god.

From a Jason Bateman tweet:

It’s true. We will do 10 episodes and the movie. Probably shoot them all together next summer for a release in early ’13. VERY excited!

h/t Justin for the scoop.

Guy On A Buffalo

The clips below are incredibly funny in a weird and random kind of way.  They are from an obscure 1970s film called Buffalo Rider, which just so happens to be one of the strangest movies I’ve ever come across.  It’s apparently about a dude who rescues a baby buffalo from some coyotes, tames it, and rides adult said buffalo around fighting Indians, saving babies, and grappling with various forms of wildlife (including literally punching a cougar in the face).  The clips are hilarious, thanks mostly to some brilliant music written specifically for them.

Episode 1: Bears, Indians, & Such

Episode 2: Orphans, Cougars, & What Not

Amazingly, there is very little information about this film on the Interwebs, which is a shame because I find myself intrigued by its WTF randomness.  Lucky for us, though, the film can be seen in its entirety for free on YouTube.  Anyone wishing to go down the rabbit hole after some serious imbibing is highly encouraged to give this thing a shot!

h/t Ryan for the intro.

Dominate, Annihilate, Assassinate

I plan to emulate this admirable effort in advance of the Irish season opener next week.

Shouts & Murmurs

For those of you who don’t subscribe to The New Yorker because of the impossibility of keeping up with its sheer density, I get it.  However, its Shouts & Murmurs section might be worth the price of subscription (especially when combined with all the great cartoons).  A sampling from the past two weeks:

“Summer Fun For Boys” by Tim Long:

During the last week of August, walk to Walmart to buy school supplies. Along the way, approach a man and a woman shaking hands and ask, “Is this what sex is?” Repeat with couples who are gardening, eating lunch, waiting for a bus, and playing miniature golf.

“The Pope’s Tweets” by Paul Rudnick:

I loved that best-seller about the boy who momentarily died and went to Heaven, but all I wanted to ask was, “Did He say anything about me?”

During a papal audience, I put folks at ease by asking, “Are you gay?” Then I say, “Kidding!” Then I go, “No, seriously, are you gay?”

 

Fore!

So here I am hacking my way through the beautiful Farmlinks Golf Club in Birmingham, Alabama.  This is from the picturesque hole 17, which afforded us a nice little audience that can be spotted on the balcony off in the distance.  Those watching were witness to one of the worst shots in the history of this hole, one that veered 75 degrees to the right before setting straight vertical on its way into the sink.  My travails along the Robert Trent Jones golf trail were comical, prompting one of those present to forward me a New Yorker piece written by Larry David that captures nicely the game’s frustrating qualities.  Likening his own relationship with the sport to the five stages of grief, I can immediately identify with the fifth (and final) level: Acceptance.

Finally, after years of pain and struggle, I had accepted the fact that I would never be a good golfer. No matter how many hours I practiced, no matter how many instructors I saw, how many books and magazines I read, or how many teaching aids I tried. Then it hit me. According to Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s book “On Death and Dying,” Acceptance was the final stage of grief that terminal patients experience before dying, the others being Anger, Denial, Bargaining, and Depression. I was in the final stage! When I started thinking about it, I realized that I’d gone through every one of those stages, but not as a terminal patient . . . as a golfer.

 

My Violent Torpedo Of Truth

As I perused the Chicago Tribune this morning (while waiting for my trainer to take me through a hungover workout), I came across a splendid announcement:  Charlie Sheen is bringing his wonderfully entertaining stream of consciousness to town for a live show at the Chicago Theater.  Titled My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not An Option, the show promises to be at once comical and deeply saddening.  I told Lizzi that I was going to get us tickets and the look on her face read something along the lines of “I’m pretty sure he’s joking/wait, maybe he’s serious/oh my god he is/that is so juvenile and sick/I can’t believe I married this man”.  Undeterred in my quest to see a man disintegrate right before my eyes – and eager to pay a $10 “convenience fee” – I visited Ticketmaster’s website to get the goods.  As much as I’d love to hear “the REAL story from the Warlock” himself, I was saddened to find that the show has already sold out.  But rest assured, dear readers.  I will make it my mission to secure some tickets via other means, as this event promises to make for good blog fodder.

Celebrating The Book Of Mormon In NYC

Just returned from a quick trip to New York and am happy to report that the city is just as great as I remembered it.  Stayed at The London NYC, a cool boutique hotel located at 57th and 7th, just down the road from Radio City and a couple blocks from Central Park.  In addition to being nicely appointed and surprisingly spacious (a boutique with a suite, hoorah!), it had a welcomingly chill vibe and managed a chic feel without the pretension.  On the dining front, I took down a borderline-magical pork chop complemented by some very solid french onion soup at Bar Americain on the first night, which was followed by some scrumptious chili calamari and chicken parmesan the next night at Bobby Van’s.

As satisfying as the lodging and dining experiences were, the highlight of the trip was a new Broadway musical called The Book of Mormon.  A collaboration between the genius tandem of Matt Parker & Trey Stone (of South Park fame) and Robert Lopez (Tony Award-winning writer of Avenue Q), Mormon is a wonderfully satirical take on the ridiculous, modern, and very American religious brain fart of Joseph Smith: the Church of Latter Day Saints.  After spying comedians Jon Stewart and Louis CK in the small audience of the Eugene O’Neill Theatre, I knew I was in for a treat.  And, as expected, the show was nothing short of brilliant.  Sharp, witty, highly offensive, and downright pitch-perfect, I left overwhelmingly satisfied.  Though I’m clearly no expert on the topic, I’ll happily agree with Vogue that Mormon “may just be the funniest musical of all time”.  As evidence, I point to a mouth still sore from 2.5 hours of nonstop smiling and the first laughing-so-hard-I’m-crying fit that I’ve had in years.  The show officially debuts on March 24th (ours was part of a preview run) and here’s hoping that it will mark the start of a long and successful stint on the Great White Way.

I highly encourage anyone interested in good old blasphemous fun to check out Mormon at the earliest opportunity.  I know I shall be back very soon for a second helping, for I believe that tomorrow is a latter day indeed!

Who Am I?

It’s a question that has been asked many times before and is usually met with underwhelming response (at least in my own experience).  But when answered by the comedic genius of Demetri Martin – as was the case in this week’s New Yorker – we are treated to a special sort of panache.  Below is a quick taste but I highly recommend that you read the whole piece here.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

I am the sun. I am the moon. I am the rain, I am the earth. I am these when I am taking mushrooms with Kevin. I am good friends with Kevin. I am not sure what Kevin’s last name is.

Speaking Nonsense To Strangers

This is one of the best hidden video pranks I’ve seen in a while.  Apparently, this Jack Vale character makes it his business to screw with people.

Today’s Lesson In Cognitive Dissonance

One of my recent posts expressed some curiosity at the notion that Kathy Griffin was invited onto Larry King Live to discuss the dangers of bullying.  My confusion derived from the fact that Griffin is a comedian who makes a rather notorious living making fun of – same may call it bullying – other people.

Well, the little red rocket is at it again, this time making fun of Bristol Palin’s weight by referring to her as the “white Precious“.  This, ladies and germs, is a wonderful example of hypocrisy.  Griffin’s mastery of doublethink would’ve made Orwell proud.  But to those of us paying attention, it just makes her look petty and disingenuous.

By the way, this marks the second straight post where I came to the defense of Bristol Palin.  Some might say this provides evidence that Eddyfication is a bastion of independent thought.  Either that or I tend to develop subconscious crushes on people named after the hometown of my beloved ESPN.

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Late Night Boob Tube

While searching for Conan yesterday, I accidentally happened upon George Lopez’s horrifically unfunny and awkward fluff hour on TBS.  My disappointment was compounded when I found Lopez interviewing none other than the immensely untalented and uninteresting David Arquette.  I spent the next 1.5 minutes trying to imagine a more powerful pairing of comic mediocrity and annoyance.  The only possible rival I could imagine was if Dane Cook were to visit Jay Leno.

Speaking of Conan, I’m very happy that he’s back on the air.  In my view, the man is the shining light of late night and a true comedic genius, as witty and creative as they come.  Not only is his show great but his brain farts are also brilliant, evidenced by the chuckles Lizzi and I got when we took a peek at his Twitter the other night.  However, I’m still perturbed by how he left NBC.  If you ask me, everyone’s favorite redhead demonstrated a shocking lack of class when he was asked to exit stage left.  I would’ve much preferred that he have taken the high road and just moved on, making success in his next gig revenge enough.  Instead, he let his ego get the better of him and decided to drag his viewing audience through the mud of his messy divorce.  It was the adult equivalent of watching a child throw a tantrum in a Toys-R-Us aisle.  In our case, that child had his own talk show with a multi-million dollar budget to waste on extravagant “F-You’s” to the boss while a large viewing audience (oddly) cheered him on.  I can imagine the sting that must come with being passed over in favor of the less-likable Jay Leno.  But dude, you didn’t deliver and you got fired.  Take it like a man and move on.

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Musings On A Halloween Sunday

I started my day today in typical Sunday fashion – with a swift kick in the nuts (otherwise known as the Irish game).  After the whuppin’ suffered at the hands of the Midshipmen last week, the Irish decided to lay down again yesterday, this time at home against Tulsa.  One can be forgiven for assuming the Irish would destroy an opponent such as the Golden Hurricane – named as such because Tulsa has lots of hurricanes(?) and…er…gold(?) – but that was before god decided to smite Irish football.  Sandwiched between these past two losses was the tragic death of an ND student who died when the scissor stand he was using to film practice collapsed amid gale force winds.  Coach Brian Kelly assumed responsibility for the call to have practice outdoors that day, so we can add that horrific determination to the long list of terrible strategic decisions he’s made throughout the season.  Of course, as Barney Frank and Isaiah Thomas have taught us, strong decision-making skills aren’t prerequisites for job security, so I’m sure Coach Kelly will be just fine.  In the meantime, we’ll have to consult Pat Robertson to see why god hates his favorite university so much.  I’m guessing it has something to do with allowing gays to serve in the military, as I’m sure he really hates that.  But if that were indeed the case, wouldn’t he have wanted ND to beat Navy last week?  So maybe he’s just pissed about the enduring popularity of Jersey Shore, or the fact that the iPad doesn’t support Adobe Flash.  Either way, it’s clear he’s got it out for the Irish.  And he’s definitely not making time for all those prayers being sent his way from the grotto each week.

I decided that the Irish loss would be best forgotten with a run around the palace, where it turns out a special Halloween race was underway.  Unfortunately, the most outrageous outfit I could find was someone running with a massive sombrero and wearing hot pink tights.  I blended in nicely with my own costume, that of a pasty expat sponsored by Nike.  As I ran, I pondered some of the more interesting developments of late, including: how Mohammed is now the most popular name for newborn baby boys in England; how China now has the world’s fastest computer; and how Charlie Sheen’s compulsive whore-mongering and myriad drug-inspired arrests can be considered nothing short of impressive so long as he keeps his day job on Two and A Half Men.

Lizzi and I attended a wine dinner at a nice French restaurant in Tokyo Midtown the other night.  The event featured pre-phylloxera vines, which means they pre-date the attack of those pesky little bugs that wrought destruction over pretty much every single European vineyard in the early 1860s.  It was a delicious and educational night.  Amid all the smart wine talk, I was a bit preoccupied with knowing why – from an evolutionary perspective – the voracious louse found it necessary to insert venom into the vines as they fed from them, thus destroying their source of food.  But judging by the blank stares my inquiry received, I’m guessing this isn’t the type of stuff one is supposed to discuss at such events.  My misstep was compounded by some rather poor form when we made our exit.  As we politely bid everyone adieu, I felt compelled to tell someone whom I had just met – a culinary bigwig from Chicago, no less – to “be good”.  I have no idea why I said this.  And I have no idea why I said it again during our second round of goodbyes.  Something’s clearly wrong with me.  Here’s hoping he just assumed that I had a mild case of Tourette’s.

As I write this, the horribly hokey Mike Huckabee Show is playing in the background.  The camera just panned to the show’s sparsely populated studio audience, which can’t be any greater than thirty people.  I wonder what series of poor decisions would lead someone to be a member of that audience.  I fully expect to see Todd Margaret sitting there someday.

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Heard A Good Quote Today

From P.J. O’Rourke on today’s Real Time with Bill Maher:

We conservatives believe that all government is bad…and we’ve got the candidates to prove it.

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Just For The Record

As much as I love the guy, I thought Stephen Colbert’s stunt on Capitol Hill last week was extremely lame.  Not only was it unfunny but it was borderline inappropriate.  While I can appreciate poking fun at our corrupt and inept politicians, I’m afraid his antics were a disservice to those migrant workers for whom I assume he was meant to speak.

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Women According To Engineers: Part One

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New Rule: Comedians Should Be Funny

I was reminded of the very simple axiom that comedy should be funny during my recent trip home (from which I returned last night).  Interestingly, the reminder took on a dichotomous form.  That is, I got to experience someone who wasn’t funny in the slightest – George Lopez – and someone who may very well have been a comic genius in his own right – Mitch Hedberg.  Lopez, who amazingly has his own late night show on TBS (soon to be overshadowed by Conan O’Brien), might rank number two behind Dane Cook in my book of comedians paid to be exactly what they are not.  To say these two are no talent ass-clowns would be an understatement (with a tip of the hat to my favorite Michael Bolton).  While Cook replaces punchlines with lame and over-the-top physical contortions and ungodly screeching sounds, Lopez has a delivery that perfectly complements his uninspired material.  While channel surfing one night in my hotel, I came across one of Lopez’s monologues and was struck not just by how massively unfunny his content was but also by how annoying his mannerisms can be.  The dude squints rather laboriously as he stumbles to read his opener, which is annoying and distracting to watch.  And the audience is given a queue for when to laugh (since they likely wouldn’t know otherwise) by Lopez’s squinty eyes opening awkwardly wide as the punchline is delivered, accompanied by an equally awkward jerk of the head.  It is such an annoying tick that I literally found myself wanting to jump out of my own skin.  Curious, I checked out some of Lopez’s stand-up sessions on YouTube and received confirmation of my initial suspicion: The dude has terrible stage presence and no comedic chops whatsoever.

Meanwhile, during a stopover to visit my buddy Ryan in Seattle, I was introduced to a local comedic hero, the late Mitch Hedberg.  Maybe I’ve got a penchant for comics whose edges are rougher than the Disneyfied versions that typically make the big time (evidenced by my love for guys like Bill Hicks, George Carlin, and Dennis Leary), but I found Hedberg to be hilarious.  I’ve included the clip that introduced me to the man below, during which it is plain to see that the guy had problems with stage fright and drugs.  Nonetheless, and despite the slow start, the routine evolves into one of the funnier bits I’ve seen in a while.  I highly recommend anyone lacking knowledge of Hedberg to check him out.  It will be well worth the time.

Some spot research on the man revealed several jokes that may do well in providing a taste for his style:

I was in a casino, minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, ‘You’re gonna have to move. You’re blocking a fire exit.’ As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you’re a table.

On a traffic light green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana it’s just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go ahead, and red means where the fuck did you get that banana?

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There should never be an ‘Escalator Out of Order’ sign. Only an ‘Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience’.

You know, I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ‘em later.

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Kris Farley Reincarnated As A Florida Politician?

What wonderful comedy we have here, courtesy of Phil Davison of the Stark County (Florida) GOP:

My favorite part is the butchering of his favorite Einstein quote.  I also very much enjoyed his well-orchestrated hand gestures.  And how many times do you think he practiced the “not only as a tool…but as a weapon!” routine?

Am I the only one who kept waiting for him to reprise the “I live in a van down by the river!” refrain?

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The Health Care “Gift”

JJ sent along the following piece of political humor that is just as sad as it is funny:

Let me get this straight. We’re going to be “gifted” with a health care plan we are forced to purchase and fined if we don’t, written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn’t understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn’t read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president who also smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn’t pay his taxes, to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that’s broke.

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The Michael Showalter Showalter

This is a great little gem that I stumbled across the other day.  Very worthwhile.  The below clip is an interview with the plenty funny Zach Galifianakis and there are a few others worth checking out, including David Cross, Michael Cera, and Paul Rudd.

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