Yesterday was the Dear Leader’s 67th birthday. Yes, that little buffoon of a man, Kim Jong-il, graced this earth almost seven decades ago. You might know him best for his smash hit ballad I’m So Ronery or for the time he fed “Hans Brix” to an acquarium of sharks, but the greatest source of Little Kim’s fame has been turning in one of the most atrocious – and comical – performances as a political leader of all time. As bad as he was, W couldn’t hold a candle to this wingnut, that’s for damn sure.
Though the suffering of the North Korean people under this mental midget has been tragic, the reign of Little Kim has provided some wonderful moments of unintentional comedy. As evidence, I present to you one of the finest sites on the web – the Korean Central News Agency of the DPRK. It’s a place where fiction is reported as truth, where it’s better to err on the side of verbosity, where the editor can never be found without his handy-dandy thesaurus of belligerent terms, and where run-on sentences break into all-out sprints. It is, without a doubt, one of the finest pieces of laugh-out-loud hilarity one will ever come across on the Internet. I highly recommend anyone looking for a good chuckle to peruse a couple of the site’s daily news articles, all of which stand in outright worship of this midget of a man.
For a taste, here’s a blurb from a posting entitled “Dynamic Struggle For Future Of Great Prosperous And Powerful Nation Called For”:
Kim Jong Il’s history of revolutionary leadership is a glorious history of a peerless patriot, a great statesman who has devoted his all to the future of the country and the happiness of all generations to come, a sacred history in which he has glorified the tradition of Mt. Paektu as the eternal treasure of the country and the revolution, a history in which he has firmly defended Korean-style socialism and augmented its might in every way under the banner of Songun and a history in which he has carved out a rosy future of the country and nation through ceaseless creations and changes.
And here’s a blurb from “Congratulatory Message To Kim Jong-il From Overseas Compatriots”:
We overseas compatriots are highly proud of the immortal feats performed by you who have ushered in a heyday of the greatest prosperity in the history of the nation, frustrating the imperialist allied forces’ every move to stifle the DPRK with your unique Songun politics.
Our homeland is demonstrating its prestige and dignity before the whole world at a time when many countries are seized with uneasiness and fear due to the imperialists’ aggression and arbitrary practices and catastrophic consequences of the worldwide financial crisis. This is the shining fruition of the great patriotic devotion of you who have made tireless efforts for the country and nation only.
We will smash every move of the anti-reunification forces and positively reenergize the national reunification movement under the slogan of “Advance dynamically along the road of independent reunification under the banner of the June 15 Joint Declaration and the October 4 Declaration!” and more dynamically work to make a tangible contribution to building a great prosperous and powerful socialist nation, keeping pace with the people in the homeland making a dynamic advance in the sky-high spirit of making a charge and creative mettle.
