The Way Of The Samurai
The other night, a very dear friend of ours here in Japan gave me a book called Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai. Knowing my love for observing Japan through a sometimes cynical (yet always respectful!) lens, she figured it would make a perfect gift, and she was so very right. The book is basically a collection of philosophical tenets that have been handed down over the past three hundred years or so in Japan. As I make my way through the text, I plan to share the more interesting insights with my loyal readers. These postings will predominantly be designed to either illuminate or humor, and my guess is the line between the two will often be blurred.
Without any further ado, the first Hagakure posting:
A person who is said to be proficient at the arts is like a fool. Because of his foolishness in concerning himself with just one thing, he thinks of nothing else and thus becomes proficient. He is a worthless person.
It’s All Good!
I realize that my previous couple posts probably make me sound a bit sour. Perhaps it’s my subconscious rebelling against the fact that I turn one year older tomorrow, but I feel in perfectly good spirits. To prove it, I’m going to post a brilliant Bud Light commercial that the censors kept hidden from us.
Mika Brzezinski Is An Empty Seat
I’m watching Morning Joe on MSNBC, just as I do most nights before heading off for bed, and I’m finally putting ink to the fact that Mika Brzezinski, Joe Scarborough’s co-host, is useless. Her value-add as a sidekick rivals Yoko Ono’s in depths explored. Just as they say ineffective people in the business world are empty suits, Mika is an empty seat. She just sits next to Joe looking very awkward as she strains to find something to do and/or say, moments occassionally interrupted by her reacting to something Joe says in the most generic way possible. The only talking she does is either completely meaningless or is read directly from the teleprompter as she either leads the show to commercial or ticks off the news headlines. In the meantime, she just stares blankly at the screen while attempting to find the perfect spot to sit her venti Starbucks coffee. Worthless!
Meet The Talking, Empty Heads
Below is part of the transcript from this past week’s “Meet The Press”. This section of the discussion centered on the outrageous Bernie Madoff fraud (which has every right to be scrutinized with the utmost prejudice) and involves an exchange between Andrea Mitchell, CNBC’s Erin Burnett and David Gregory (the program’s host).
MS. MITCHELL: Well, and, in fact, you have people who invest in these fund of funds…
MR. GREGORY: Right.
MS. MITCHELL: …and these are supposed to be the people who do all the due diligence beyond the regulators, and they were looking to put all of this money in a nondiversified way into a fund which had a teeny two-person or three-person accounting and….
MR. GREGORY: Mm-hmm.
MS. MITCHELL: …and no computerized analysis?
MS. BURNETT: And collect a fee for doing it.
MS. MITCHELL: And collect the fee.
MS. BURNETT: Yeah.
MS. MITCHELL: Exactly. So the SEC has a lot of answering to do.
MR. GREGORY: Right.
MS. MITCHELL: And, and, in fact, John McCain was absolutely right in looking at that. But the, the—it’s not just this SEC, it’s previous SEC chairmen. It’s not just Christopher Cox, it go—this goes all the way back…
MR. GREGORY: Right, right.
MS. MITCHELL: …to 1999.
I am posting about this because it provides a wonderful glimpse into the tendency for people to happily speak (faux-) authoritatively on topics they clearly know little about. This practice is quite common among talking heads, who routinely find themselves blabbering well beyond their depths. My gripe with the above is Ms. Mitchell’s rambling about the failings of fund-of-funds. Granted, those professional investors involved with Madoff have plenty to answer for and deserve every bit of chastising they receive. However, Mitchell’s rationale rings hollow on the basis that she makes absolutely no sense. When complaining about Madoff’s shoddy bookkeeping, Mitchell veers off into the land of “what the?” by lamenting “…and no computerized analysis?”. What does that even mean? This is clearly the statement of a woman who has little knowledge of the topic at hand but is making random statements that sound heavy to give the appearance that she’s switched on. Without a doubt, those investing in Madoff were missing the critical “analysis” piece. That much is clear. But putting “computerized” in front of it is blatantly devoid of any substance and is clearly designed to provide the illusion that the issue is complex. The reality is that the word “computerized” doesn’t make the issue any more complicated than putting the word “sophisticated” in front of “Charlie Weis’ offense” makes said offense potent. I know nothing about medicine but I do know that all doctors are required to take a hypocratic oath. The next time I muse about the death of a patient that makes the headlines, I’ll make the blanket statement that the doctors should’ve exercised more hypocratic discretion while treating the patient.
And by blaming the lack of computers being used for analysis, was the implication that the analysis being conducted was by abacus instead? And what, in Mitchell’s mind, should those computers have been analyzing? That would’ve been a good follow-up question, which I’m quite certain would’ve been met with several seconds of awkward silence followed by random bumbling in an attempt to save face. You’d think she would be more versed in all this given that her husband, Alan Greenspan, is one of the most prominent economists of our time. Perhaps she got this by hearing Greenspan rue the bubble he helped create by complaining, “If only we had more computerized analysis!”.
After demonstrating her ineptitude on the details of the Madoff scam in one-half of a sentence, Mitchell then makes the random jump in logic to claim that the SEC has some answering to do. Yes, they do, but the SEC’s ineffectiveness and the ignorance of professional investors are not necessarily linked. And how can she make the statement that it goes all the way back to 1999? Where did she get that date from? I would’ve loved for Gregory to ask Mitchell who the chairman of the SEC was back then. Again, crickets chirping. That would’ve been fun.
Crowded Japan
Today was the most crowded I have seen things in Japan. Being the emperor’s birthday, everyone had the day off and apparently decided to swamp the streets and malls en masse. There must’ve been three people per square foot in Roppongi (my area of town), causing even the most patient among us to tempt their inner Dick Cheney (hey, little lady standing on my foot and screaming into your mobile, go f*&k yourself!). Things were so bad that people were actually waiting in line to read the directory at my local mall – I kid you not.
Speaking of losing one’s patience, I’ve finally decided to give up the practice of making way for people who cross my path. You know how most civilized people do their best to avoid bumping into others as they walk along their way? Well, that doesn’t really exist in Japan, which tends to be populated by people who are completely oblivious to the idea of giving way when they walk to and fro. Talk about tunnel vision, the Japanese are notorious for zeroing in on their destination and paying absolutely no attention to who or what may be in their path. In the U.S., people are deathly afraid of bumping into others, a fear likely borne from the perfectly legitimate concern that the person you bump could very well respnd by punching (or shooting!) you in the face. In Japan, there is no such danger, which has clearly gone to the heads of pedestrians who take such safety as license to bump with extreme frequency. After doing the expat dance along the streets for the better part of the past two years, I’ve finally decided to lower my shoulder and plow through. I take particular joy in bowling over those who wander out of stores without looking left or right before making their leap (a massive pet peeve of mine!). The beauty of this all is the Japanese are so polite, no matter how hard I nail them, they always respond with an “oh, sumimasen, gomenasai!”, which basically means “ouch, that scared the hell out of me you oger of a gaijin but it must be my fault – after all, I pay no attention to my surroundings when I walk – so instead of losing face by owning up the fact that I have no concept of respecting the space of others I will simply apologize profusely and all will be fine!”.
