Not too much to report about these days. I’m back stateside for the next 10 days or so, which means things are pretty hectic as I try to catch up with everyone back home. The weather here in Chicago is great, making for a nice break from the rainy season back in Tokyo. I’m due back in Japan in early August, just around the time that the hot, humid weather sets in, which normally lasts for the better part of August.

I figured I’d link to a few things that I found interesting. First off, I recently came across one of the most strangely enjoyable YouTube clips that I’ve seen in a long while. It’s of a prison inmate community in the Phillippines that decided to get together and perform a massive re-enactment of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. All I can say is “wow”. And that shemale really freaks me out.

Second, the much anticipated transfer of U.S. soccer phenom Freddy Adu appears done, with the latest reports indicating that a deal to send Adu to play for Benfica in Portugal is pretty much done. The transfer fee is rumored to be about $7.5 million, which hopefully will help MLS lure more talent from overseas!

Finally, for you sports fans that happen to have a thing for statistics, it looks like the esteemed GM of the Oakland A’s, Billy Beane, is bringing Moneyball to the MLS. I’m not really sure how I feel about this, mainly because I’m not sure how his concepts can translate to the less statistically-intensive sport of soccer, but I do know that I loved the ideas behind Moneyball and appreciate any legitamacy that can be brought to the lowly MLS.

We had another earthquake the other day. There were actually two of them, one in the morning and one at night, both of which measured in the neighborhood of 6.6 on the Richter Scale. Sadly, at least nine people were killed and over 1000 were injured. Though the epicenter was up near Nigatta, which is a good 150 miles away from Tokyo, we still felt the tremors here. The buildings swayed for a solid 15 seconds or so each time, leaving me with a feeling of sea sickness, not to mention the slightly petrified notion that the ground was about to split open and swallow me whole.

I’ve been feeling small aftershocks ever since, though I can’t really tell if the building is swaying or if someone spiked my green tea. Just another day in a country known for its severe crustal instability (that felt really weird to write – challenge yourself and try to use the phrase “crustal instability” in a conversation today without chuckling). Japan is home to 10% of the world’s active volcanoes and there are reportedly 1500 earthquakes here per year. Combine that with the typhoons that come with the rainy season and the ever-present tsunami risk arising from undersea earthquakes, and Japan makes for a jolly place to live!

On a brighter note, I’m off to Chicago tomorrow. I’ll be stateside for a good two weeks, which will provide me with plenty of time to catch up with friends and to fatten myself up with good old American grub. Ah, the joys of being home.

It’s easy to look around the world today and notice that things simply aren’t right. The list of injustices rearing their ugly heads on a daily basis is simply too long and too depressing to recount. However, there are some examples that are quite fun to point out, particularly those involving morons and their rise to fame and fortune. There is nothing quite as twisted in its enjoyment as watching a classless schmuck find success (defined here as monetary wealth) and subsequently buckle under the weight. In a train wreck sort of way, we can’t help but marvel at the sight of success being met with outrageously uncomfortable moments of social faux paus. What is even more fun is when you find real-life examples that provide illustration of common, everyday phrases. From “short man syndrome” (Kim Jong Il – please admire how small the 5’2 Kim looks in his chair; also, please check out the other propaganda films listed on the right; side-splitting funny), to “you reap what you sow” (Iraq), to “those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” or “he who smelt it dealt it” (Ted Haggard), I just love when life imitates vernacular.

So here’s another one for you, which happens to be the topic of this post – “money can’t buy class”. We have become quite accustomed to this concept in recent months, from the completely misguided and mindnumbingly ignorant adventures of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, to the cruel and downright evil dog fights hosted by Michael Vick and friends. While deep down dwelling on it may make your skin crawl, knowing that people like Kevin Federline and his ilk exist can serve a purpose, particularly when you are thinking about yourself and your place in this world. Comparatively, you stack up quite nicely. Standing next to nitwits like these, you don’t look all that bad when the light all things just and humane is shone upon you.

So that brings me to the person who inspired this blog entry. This individual provides just the latest example of why I don’t believe in god. I like to say to my god-fearing friends and family that I have no interest in serving a god that allows so much pain and suffering to exist in the world. Well, I also have no interest in worshiping something that is capable of creating people like Scott Storch, who happens to be, at least by what I can see, a total and complete ignoramus maximus. If I were Keith Olbermann, my list of worst people in the world (a staple of his daily newscast) would be littered with the likes of Scott Storch. Egocentric, materialistic, unauthentic scum of the world. That is the type of person I’m referring to here.

So who is this living embodiment of the term “total douchebag”? Storch is a 33-year old music producer who grew up middle class in suburban Philadelphia and has met with fantastic career success, working with such esteemed hip-hop artists as Beyonce, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Simpson, MC Hammer, 50 Cent, and – wait for it – Paris Hilton. In working with these fine folks, Storch has developed a reputation that allows him to command $100,000 per track. As a result, Storch and his company, Tuff Jew Productions (I wish I were kidding), is rumored to have taken in roughly $70 million in total earnings. This is a significant sum of money by any stretch, and our man Storch has taken full advantage of his abundance of greenbacks by buying such life necessities as a $250,000 diamond-encrusted watch, a $3 million diamond ring, and an $11 million mansion in Miami to go along with a luxury car collection that includes a Lamborghini, Rolls, and a Bentley. Oh, and he has a 125-foot, $20 million yacht named Tiffany (his previous yacht was named Storchavelli – again, I wish I were kidding). Seriously, the guy is a walking SNL skit. The total dork who couldn’t get the girl in high school who has leveraged his skills to magnificent wealth and is now trying to run fast enough to keep up with the big boys. The joke is that it’s painfully apparent to everyone around him that his legs are too short (he’s reportedly only 5’6) to keep up, leaving him exposed as the total poser that he truly is. It’s like the guy has thought of buying every possible cliche product under the sun that is recommended in the “How to Compensate for Your Small Penis” handbook.

Even better is this horrendously-conducted interview , a grade school production where, in addition to looking ridiculous, he makes several hypocritical statements, including one where he complains about all the attention paid to his material possessions as his diamond-encrusted hand strokes his chin (what’s with the hand-chin fixation, and why does his hand look so weird?) and he hides behind diamond-framed sunglasses (notice he always wears sunglasses, likely an attempt to hide what he really looks like, a la Howard Stern) with all sorts of crazy hanging from his neck. Yeah, you’re tired of the focus on your wealth, that’s usually why people go on MTV Cribs, or why you would sit (and pose in a very cheesy way) for a Rolling Stone article about you entitled “Scott Storch’s Outrageous Fortune”. Douchebag.

For some more fun stuff on Storch, check out VH1′s Best Week Ever page, as well as this prank call in which he tries to talk tough and inevitably falls back on the lame “you’re not just messing with me, you’re messing with my whole crew” line.

While he has no doubt helped these various artists turn his beats and melodies into Grammy Award-winning tracks, he has also done plenty to turn them off on the idea of ever working with him again. Take Christina Aguilera as an example. She apparently refused to provide Storch with a private jet to fly him and his entourage out to LA to work on her album, and he subsequently refused to work with her. She went on to write a song entitled F.U.S.S., which reportedly stands for F*&k You Scott Storch.

I had never heard of this guy in my life until I saw this enjoyable little Slate slideshow on how YouTube has ruined rap beefs. Pretty funny stuff, but this moron’s performance clearly stood out. Slate only gives you a brief glimpse of this train wreck of a rap war, so I’ve taken the liberty of posting it here for you. Please admire how awkward he looks and how many times the video repeats previous scenes. Who edited this thing? The sound is nowhere near synched with the lip movements of the performers, especially towards the end, and I can’t help but wonder if this is an SNL skit or the real thing. I also can’t help but feel sorry for the pitiful group of guys around Storch in this video. Clearly they have failed to strike out on their own, to make it big in hip-hop, so they’ve taken to becoming hangers-on with this little white dude who made a name for himself as a – piano player? So much for having to get shot nine times to make your mark on the hardcore gangsta scene, or earn yourself the right to wear sunglasses at night while talking smack in your own rap beef video.

Apparently, he’s in the midst of a tiff with Timbaland, and he’s decided that he needs to create a high school quality home video with some out of work friends to maintain his street cred. In today’s hip-hop world, the level of street cred apparently has little to do with enduring life on the rough and tumble tip, but more about amassing enough wealth and flashing enough bling that would make Allen Iverson blush. Seriously, what a sad commentary on the state of current affairs that this little toad of a man (to steal Christopher Hitchens’ characterization of the late Jerry Falwell) makes a video flaunting his material excess in a game of narrow-minded and embarrassing one-upmanship while half of the world lives on less than $2 per day and 30,000 children die daily because of poverty.

And I’m not picking on this guy just because he’s white (though it admittedly adds to the humor). Eminem is white too, but I choose not to pick on him because he has at least a modicum of credibility, both in the growing up tough department as well as, oh I don’t know, having an ability to rap. Plus, while he has no doubt earned a small fortune from his many collaborations, you don’t really see or hear about Eminem flaunting his earthly possessions quite the way Storch does. Maybe that’s what it’s all about in the end for me. I’m not picking on him simply because he’s rich. Hell, more power to him. There are plenty of fabulously rich people whom I admire. However, they generally aren’t so devoid of substance and confidence that they feel the need to shove their success in the face of anyone who is around to bear witness.

While I grow increasingly frustrated with the hatred that permeates our world today, I think about people like Scott Storch and am reminded how easy it is to acquire such extreme distaste for someone or something. Scott Storch has willingly turned himself into a complete caricature, and it is people like him that undermine the credibility of America in this world. He is exactly what he should not be, in almost every way. He is the epitomy of why some people choose to hate Americans, why some black people hate white people, why anyone genuine hates posers, and why the have-nots hate the haves. F.U.S.S.!

So while our senior USMNT completed the laying of its Copa America egg – capped by a 1-0 loss to Colombia to bring the American squad to 0-3 on a 2-8 goal differential for the tourney – our U-20 youth team continues to impress north of the border. Led by captain Freddy Adu, who is still only 17 years old, the Americans are putting on quite a show in the U-20 FIFA World Cup. After tying S. Korea in the first game 1-1 and destroying Poland 6-1 in game two, the U.S. locked up its group by defeating Brazil on Friday. That’s right folks – the U.S. beat Brazil in soccer. And it wasn’t one of those fluke victories either. While the Brazilians were pound-for-pound the better team, the U.S. triumphed in the end because they had the requisite skill level to stay with the Brazilians and the confidence to square off with their opponent toe-to-toe.

By watching highlights of the match and comparing game stats, it is clear that the Brazilians generally had the run of play. However, there was something at work here that is worth noting. As some of you know, most USMNT victories over better, more talented opponents consist of scratching out a 1-0 or 2-1 win by playing stubborn defense and capitalizing on that one window of opportunity to put the game away. Kind of like the weird, creepy, quiet guys that wait it out until last call before making their move on the drunkest chick in the bar to increase their odds of scoring. This is what inferior teams do – they pack it in for most of the game and try to draw blood via the counterattack, when the opponent is most exposed. This worked splendidly for Greece when it surprisingly took the Euros back in 2004, and this scheme served as the foundation for Italy’s World Cup run last summer. These teams thrive on slow, grinding games that bring more talented and creative opponents to the brink of implosion by slowing the general flow of the match to a crawl.

However, what was so great to see during this game was the Americans actually taking the game to the Brazilians. Our players weren’t afraid to have the ball at their feet. In fact, they appeared to actually want to take the Brazilians head on in many circumstances, something very far removed from the normal USMNT mentality. Watching players like Robbie Rogers and Sal Zizzo regularly attempt to beat their defenders one-on-one was such a wonderful sight for me. Speaking of Rogers, check out his rocket of an attempt during the early part of the aforementioned highlights. What a shot! Not only was his attempt on par with Europe’s finest YouTube moments (heading to the upper corner on a rope), but it came from 30+ yards out, was on target and was mighty dangerous (required a full extension save from the Brazilian keeper). I don’t think I’ve ever seen an attempt like that before from a USMNT player. Just a brilliant strike that provided me with a gleeful “WTF?” moment.

All the while, you’ve got a fire-lit-under-his-ass Freddy Adu literally running circles around the Brazilians while Jozy Altidore appears to look the part of a true finisher. And you’ve also got smart defending in the back (though some spots were admittedly downright atrocious) to go along with outside middies who actually know how to serve the forwards, attack on the flanks and back-check. And the performance of the U.S. goalkeeper, Real Salt Lake’s Chris Seitz, was simply amazing. He faced down 15 shots on goal (compared to 8 for the U.S.) and only let one get through (off a rebound that trickled in, no less). He was fantastic in this match.

Bottom line – the Americans are playing inspired soccer. This was the first time a USMNT had defeated the Brazilians in a competitive match since 1989, and their coach even said that he thought the U.S. could reach the finals. I would pay money to watch these guys play over the senior squad any day of the week. Next up on Wednesday is Uruguay, which squeezed through its group with a 1-1-1 record. Provided we win, we go on to play the winner of Austria-Gambia in the quarterfinals. For once in my life, I actually feel a twinge of confidence when it comes to our USMNT in an international soccer competition. Not really sure what to do with myself. So pumped!

Meanwhile, our senior USMNT left a stink bomb in its wake at the Copa America down in Venezuela, confirming my long-held suspicion that we simply suck. Coach Bob Bradley’s lame decision to bring our JV squad to the tournament proved (as predicted) detrimental to our standing in international soccer circles. It also left CONMEBOL – the governing body of South American soccer – a bit disgruntled. With good reason, if you ask me. While I appreciate the fact that U.S. soccer officials placed more importance on winning the Gold Cup (played at home, World Cup qualifying regional play, winner gets an invite to the 2009 Confederations Cup), it still is inexcusable to send such a green group to tangle with the best that South America has to offer.

Monday is my new favorite day of the week. Contrarian as that my seem, I am here to tell you that it’s true. There are two reasons for this. First, since it is still Sunday evening back in Chicago, it is nice and quiet for me at the office during the day because all of my co-workers back home are still in weekend mode. This gives me a chance to get caught up on things that got pushed off during the prior week, which is so, so nice.

Second, and more important, I have a host of fantastic shows waiting for me on the Slingbox when I return home at the end of the day. As many of you can appreciate, HBO has made sacred Sunday nights in the U.S. Even now that the beloved Sopranos has faded to black, their Sunday night lineup remains stellar. I’m not sure who is controlling the joystick over there, but HBO has absolutely nailed it in recent years, which has effectively given them a monopoly on Sunday night programming.

The shows comprising my Monday night roster now include: 1) the well-established and much adored Entourage, which is the fastest 30 minutes in television (the show seems to fly by because you always feel like it ended too quickly; they really need to make this an hour long); 2) the new (and very strange) John from Cincinnati (I don’t really get this show but I dig the quirky characters and the writing); and 3) the absolutely brilliant Flight of the Conchords, which is a show based on the comedic/musical talents of two blokes from New Zealand. This show is great. It’s smart, unique and just flat out funny. I highly recommend that you all check it out. It’s got the potential to reach The Office and Arrested Development territory for me, which most of you know is rare air indeed. It’s basically about these two guys who fashion themselves musicians trying to make it in the Big Apple. They are hilariously pitiful in about every respect and they break out in song about twice an episode. You can check out their whole first episode thanks to our friends at YouTube. Here’s Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Stick with it. I assure you it will be worth it. I give you the Eddy Guarantee!

Plus, football season is right around the corner (it feels so good to write that!), which means Monday mornings at the office will see a live football game being streamed onto one of my monitors while work proceeds on the other. Business on the right, party on the left…gotta love technology!

In other news, looks like we actually have reason to hope for the future of American soccer. Not that anyone would actually be following this, but the U-20 USMNT is playing in the FIFA Youth World Cup in Canada right now. They tied S. Korea 1-1 in their first match but destroyed Poland 6-1 in their second match. Game three features a showdown with Brazil, which actually lost 1-0 to Poland in its first match. Anyhow, Freddy Adu awoke from his slumber to notch a hat trick and, judging by these highlights, Danny Szetela and Sal Zizzo also looked quite good. So, while the senior USMNT continues to get schooled in Copa America (lost 4-1 to Argentina, 3-1 to Paraguay), our youngsters up north may provide a little ray of hope.

LASIK eye surgery has to be one of the greatest technological/medical innovations ever. I underwent surgery last Friday afternoon and here I am, barely 48 hours hence, and my vision is fantastic. The procedure that I had performed is called wavefront-guided LASIK, which is basically the latest and greatest advancement in laser surgery. While the LASIK surgery itself improves how much you can see, wavefront improves how well you can see. It helps to correct for typical post-operative complications like starbursts, halos and difficulty with night vision. It helps improve your visual quality and contrast sensitivity while also improving your odds of reaching vision that exceeds 20/20. The end result (hopefully) is that your vision will be sharper than ever with no high-end aberrations (glare, halos, etc.) and you’ll be able to see very well in the dark.

Consider me part of the 94-98% of patients satisfied with their experience. It’s such an awesome feeling to be able to see without the aid of glasses or contacts. I’ve read that many people think they see better post-surgery, and I’m one of them. It seriously feels like I was seeing the world in two dimensions before and now I’m being treated to three-dimensional sight. Really unbelievable. And my eyes won’t even stabilize for another week or so, meaning my vision may become even sharper than it already is!

The surgery itself is an incredibly surreal and uncomfortable experience. They administer antiseptic eyedrops to provide a topical numbing solution, which removes most of the pain typically associated with someone slicing your eye open. I stress most in that sentence. The reality is that your eye is being cut and burned, so you do experience a slight stinging sensation during the laser part of the procedure. It is so strange to sit under the light and basically watch as your eye is cut then lasered. So surreal. And it is very uncomfortable to lay there unable to blink for a good 15 minutes until the procedure is finished. They put these little plastic covers in place to prevent you from blinking but your eyes dry out despite the fact that they keep squirting fluid into your eyes to keep you comfortable. You just can’t help but want to blink so badly throughout, which is really awkward to feel. Plus, you can smell your eye burning when the laser starts. Smells like burning plastic. Not a pleasant thought as you lay there helpless but trying SOOO hard not to move your eye!

After the procedure, they walk you to a recovery room, hand you your sunglasses, then sit you down in a recliner to relax. They come in every 10 minutes or so to administer more drops then tell you that you can leave whenever you feel comfortable. I left after about an hour (I took a tranquilizer prior to the surgery so was a bit drowsy), hopped in taxi and made my way home. My vision for the rest of the day was quite cloudy, but the difference was already noticeable.

The next day was still a little hazy, but I could see the television fine. My near vision was a bit cloudy as well, but I could see very well if I held my book greater than 6 inches or so from my face. Today things are mostly bright and sharp. Just unbelievable. I have to administer drops 5x per day (moisturizer, anti-inflammatory, antibiotic) for about a week and I have to sleep with goggles on for about the same period of time. I can’t play any contact sports for about a month, but I can do basically everything else after about a week. I went in for a post-op checkup on Saturday and I have to go in for more checkups after one week and one month have passed.

Some people asked why I would have such a risky surgery performed in Japan and not the U.S. Well, for one, I simply grew impatient and wanted to hurry up and get it done. I was tired of having to deal with contacts on my many trips, tired of having my eyes dry eye during late night extravaganzas, tired of remembering to remove my contacts before bed, tired of it all! Second, what better place to have such a delicate procedure performed than in a country where everyone takes their jobs so seriously? The Japanese are almost obsessive in the pursuit of perfection (some people dedicate their lives to perfecting the art of making tea, writing kanji, making gardens, etc.), so I felt perfectly comfortable going under the laser here. Plus, the people at the clinic were so nice and helpful – they even counted down during the laser blast in English for me! I can still hear the guy’s voice. 60 seconds, 45 seconds, very good, 30 seconds, perfect. It made me feel great when the doctor did his immediate post-op look at my eye and announce “perfect”! He then followed that up with a “beautiful” during my checkup the next day. Huge fan of Japanese anal retentiveness when it comes to my eyes!