I returned yesterday from my five-day journey through Australia, which included stops in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne. While I didn’t have much time to explore, the country made enough of an impression to prove what many who have been there have told me my whole life: Australia is awesome. There were a few things that stood out. First, the aesthetics are great. Each city had its own unique style, but I would collectively describe the major Australian cities as combining the best aspects that their American and British counterparts have to offer. Each city felt like London but with a touch of Americana to boot, with Sydney feeling a bit like San Francisco but with a cooler harbor and less fog; Brisbane feeling like Portland minus the group of gangbangers masquerading as a basketball team; and Melbourne definitely felt like Chicago with better weather and cooler Starbucks drinks (I had a banana coconut frappucino that rocked). Secondly, they drink at lunch. Not boring things like water and diet coke. Rather, they unabashedly order beer to start and wash the meal itself down with a bottle (or two) of wine. Fantastic. Third, they have cool accents and cool words for things. The accent is easily my favorite one outside of the South African twang, and it sounds so much cooler when it’s combined with words like “heap” (a lot of something; e.g., there are heaps of people in town) and “coldie” (beer). I also learned that shiraz is pronounced not she-rauz, but she-razz, and cabernet sauvignon is referred to simply as cab sav. They also respond to “thank you” with “that’s OK”. And Melbourne is pronounced Mel-ben. Last, there are heaps of beautiful people in Australia. Men and women. I’ve never seen a more concentrated collection of men who could easily double as Abercrombie models and women who not only were gorgeous but were also ridiculously tall and muscular. I’m convinced that at least 60% of the female population in Australia could kick my ass.

I could easily live in Australia. It’s beautiful and the weather is usually agreeable. They love good sport (Melbourne claims to be one of the sporting capitals of the world; they were hosting a grand prix and an international swimming competition when we were there), good food, and good spirits. Everyone is usually pretty relaxed and low-key. And, most importantly, everyone speaks English! It really would be quite simple to just up and settle in Australia, as it seems like a true plug and play scenario for an American. I wasn’t a bit surprised to see books about Australia entitled “Litte America” and “The 51st State” when strolling through a bookstore in Melbourne. There are only a few drawbacks to picking up and moving to the land down under for good. First, it’s ridiculously far from basically every other place on earth. Tokyo is clearly far enough from home, but reaching Melbourne takes another ten hours from there! Second, they have some water issues. While we were there they were in a level four drought situation, which means the water usage among the populace is limited in certain scenarios (e.g., you can only wash your car with a bucket, not a running hose; only the elderly are allowed to water their gardens). That would suck, though I have no car, nor do I have a garden, so I’m guessing I’d be able to make do. Finally, Sydney has a pretty significant bat population, which kind of freaks me out. Seriously, there is a community of very large bats that lives in a park in central Sydney. Everyday around dusk, these little bastards take flight and basically blanket the horizon. One of our drivers told us a story about how a bat flew into his house, which about put me over the top. I don’t like bats, bottom line, nor do I enjoy the thought of one of them flying around my apartment and shitting everywhere. That being said, Australia is aces (slang for great, fantastic)!